Jul. 7th, 2014

windtear: (La Gothika)
I haven't talked here in a while. sorry, etc; there was a lot going on but things may have evened out a bit. but I can't talk about that, because something else, worse, has happened.

Midnight, the beautiful wonderful magnificent black cat I gave myself for my twenty-second birthday, has passed away. For seventeen years he and I have loved each other first and best, and I was never joking when i called him 'Midnight-my-Love'. Even back when I first picked him up, when he was the scrawniest and awkward four-week-old kitten that nobody else looked at, I knew he and I were right for each other. Looking back I can see why everyone else passed him over because objectively he was ugly, but I took one look and fell in love, and I thought - i have always thought - he was the loveliest thing ever. I was clearly seeing his heart. He grew into his looks and for sixteen years was the most magnificent cat.

But for the past week he's been off his food, and a week ago he had an accident in the kitchen, and then another last night (two actually) and he threw up today, so this afternoon we took him to the vet, who diagnosed acute renal failure. Three more pain-filled days of life, or a gentle euthanasia tonight.

I love him so much. I picked the second option. His body now rests at the foot of an olive tree and he is safely across the Rainbow Bridge, where his body cannot betray him any more.

I think I've only stopped crying tonight when it becomes necessary to refill the tears. I know I'm going to be grieving for a very long time.

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